Cultural Differences that I Face Everyday as an American Living Abroad
In order to work or live abroad, one must be willing to learn about the culture and customs of the country they are moving to. Here are some cultural differences I have found living in West Africa.
Tradition in Africa is critical. So important that one of the oldest tribes has been living in Southern Africa for at least 30,000 years and they are believed to be not only the oldest African tribe but quite possibly the world’s most ancient race. Tradition is a way of life and is as normal as day and night. As Americans, we might have our small family traditions that I’m sure over time, have slowly diminished and are not as elaborate as African traditions. Here are some that I deal with everyday as an American living in West Africa.
One tradition I face every day is the right for a man to have more than one wife. To them, the more wives, and children a man has, the richer he is. As being married to a local, I made it very clear from the beginning of our relationship that this tradition is one that I could not get behind. I am very lucky that my husband, a native to this country, respects my beliefs. Now and then he likes to joke that it’s time he looks for the second wife because he needs to have more than his father (which was five official wives and plenty of non-official wives which led to almost a hundred children). He has seen from first hand experience that more wives only lead to more problems. In modern times, it’s hard to support a family of that magnitude financially, mentally, and physically. The average life expectancy here is 58 years old. Can you imagine? And I believe a factor is this tradition.
Another tradition here is that the native languages are still very fluent in everyday life and even used in business. This tradition was something that I picked up on right away, which meant that I learned phrases and words to be able to defend myself and earn respect when needed. As a mother of four children who are being raised here, this is a tradition I respect, to a point. All my children are bilingual and within the coming years will become trilingual. For me, native dialect is a plus for the ins and outs of local life but not a necessity. The problem that I also see with this tradition is that now, when the world is advancing and opening to bigger opportunities, you will find yourself confronted with people who can’t even communicate the basic official language, which is Spanish.
Some other local traditions are a dowry to marry a woman. The man’s family is required to offer to the girl’s family a dowry, whether it be money, food, or material items (or sometimes a combination of all three) to be able to marry the woman. If the marriage ends in divorce, the woman’s family is required to return all items that were first given to their family or money in the same value. In my case, since my family was not present and this is not a concept that I can wrap my head around, it was not necessary. What was done was my father-in-law, who was considered the head of the family while he was still alive, he had the whole family (and when I say the whole family, I am talking about the whole family) for a dinner where he presented me as the wife of his son and that I am now part of their family. The reason he did this is that there is still a perception here about white foreigners. According to the thought of the locals, white foreigners don’t struggle, have good jobs, eat out every day, and have no worries or complaints. If only, am I right? So, when my father-in-law made that presentation, it was his way of telling the family that they should see me as any other person in the family and treat me as such. It was a gesture that I will always remember to this day because I knew it was important to him and my husband.
One tradition that I have recently been faced with is the circumcision of two of my three sons. My firstborn was circumcised in the US the day after he was born, which is normal to us. Here, my other two sons were not able to be circumcised after their births because the hospital considered it a completely different procedure that you schedule and bring your child in the night before so the doctor can do it the first thing in the morning. Which just blew my mind. Ergo, this is where my husband is insisting on the tradition. The tradition is that the tribe elder will circumcise our sons and give us their foreskins which will then be taken to the village that my husband originates, and we will plant them below a plantain tree. Over time, when the plantain begins to grow, it symbolizes our son’s fertility. Crazy I know, but I respect the tradition. My concern is the part about the tribe elder. I don’t know this man and I don’t know how steady his hand is. So, this is a tradition that we have been going back and forth on for some time.
Tradition contributes a sense of comfort and belonging. It brings families together and enables people to reconnect with friends. I can respect traditions better when I understand the importance that they have for those involved. I am open to new things and see some traditions that I hope my children and their children will continue for years to come.
